She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. Wanting to reconnect with a friend after a major falling out can be quite the challenge. Even if being friends is in the cards for you and your ex (newsflash: it isn’t for everyone), it shouldn’t happen right away, according to Susan J. Elliott, author of the book Getting Past Your Breakup. But, it’s always good to do preemptive damage control and to talk to the friend before you start chatting with her ex. “It’s almost like a weird Google News pin reminding you of your ex,” explains one writer. Kelly Gonsalves is a sex educator, relationship coach, and journalist. Of course, that doesn't mean you should text them right away, either. When to stay friends with an ex. 10. If your ex was a slacker, don't throw the new guy's fancy VP job in his face. 1. If you think your friend would mind, swipe left to avoid the drama. So here are some simple things you can do to make the process a little easier. Sameera Sullivan, CEO and lead matchmaker at Lasting Connections, believes that “in most cases, no, it’s not worth it to be friends with an ex. I've walked away from breakups in the past only to receive three text messages from my new ex before I even made it to my … I was swiping on Tinder and I came across a girl who has the same name as my ex’s ex, and her profile shows that we have my ex as a mutual friend. —Elyse, 25 Sussman says exes who have kids together should try to remain on good terms if possible, since they’ll be in each other’s lives for the long run. Whether you're gay, straight, bi, or not into labels, dating a friend's ex can absolutely be done without sacrificing your friendship — you just have to follow a few simple guidelines. There was a consensus that liking an ex’s photos sends a confusing message, so it’s best avoided. I was like wow, I bet this is her. 9. When in doubt, tell him things are going fine and move on to the next subject. Avoid relationship reminders — don’t swipe through your phone looking at photos of you and your ex, and stay away from places that the two of you went to together. If your friends dare respond to these histrionic fits with something like, “Nah, bro, chill out — it’s just Facebook,” your frustration grows tenfold as you wonder why and how they can’t see that that pictures of your ex posing next to someone in a cow costume are a big deal.
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